Posts

"I've never met anyone as terrible as her"

I hate to leave Dad, but I concede and will leave as he has asked so that things can get back to normal for Terrible. She feels the need to storm off and rage back when she comes and goes. It's just not possible to exist in the same space, she hates me that much she has to leave the house. Dad said he wished that he could see me every day until he goes but that would make life so unpleasant for him because of Terrible. That hurts, but for how unwelcome I am here I'm starting to really look forward to going home where my existence isn't a problem... Now Dad's putting it in my head that I'm overstaying my welcome at their friend's house (Dad's words, not the friends - Again, trying to get me to leave so Terrible will be tolerable again). The neighbor helped us come up with an agreement that Terrible felt pressured into signing.  Visits will be scheduled and agreed with a few hours' notice.  Visits are limited to 3 hours maximum. Use front door to room with...

Attention = Hate

Anything Dad pays attention to that is not Terrible, Terrible hates with a passion. (Daughter, Tesla, Pinball)  Trying to get out to visit today. Neighbors have suggested asking for what time works for her and asking to speak with her to try to resolve any of this. OK, I'll try. What do I have to lose? I asked, now sounds like we don't get any time at all today. We are just sitting in some stranger's guest house waiting for authorization from the warden to visit her prisoner.  She's managing dad's visitation schedule, said she had some friends that were tentative and that we might be able to have the time that they don't want; Sounds like we get 0 visitation today. She says the friends want their visits to be exclusive, and that they haven't seen much of him. I haven't seen much of him at all for 17 years, since she moved him up here to NC. I came a lot further than the friends visiting too. I would also venture to guess that dad would like to have all o...

Words of Wisdom from a letter

No Matter how much you need help, no one can help you and you must do it yourself. Bonds are strengthened through adversity and struggling together. Not all people are satisfied by the same things (wouldn't it be a piss-poor world if they were?) Love does not come easy, during the teenage years it is natural to find solace in hate. Love is undefinable, I referred to this as "Boundless" when I described dad in one-word. Energy exists. -Collab with Grandpa (letter to dad in 1974-ish?) That letter also says to sacrifice and do things for others because their thoughts should be included. How do you advocate for yourself in this instance? Struggle. Flight attendants will attest, you should put your mask on first. You can be guided by others even if it isn't the right path. It will be obvious if it is wrong soon after. If the advice is not from a source of love, do not take it. We change every day.  The fondest memories of people are of people that are not even those people...

Healthcare

Image
The Commonwealth Fund regularly ranks healthcare around the world. The United States has come in last 2006, 2007, 2010, 2014, 2017 and 2021.  Home | Commonwealth Fund Dad Evidence: Dad was admitted to hospital 9/6/2024. This flew. He was diagnosed and then into Chemo a week later. The day he went in for his bone marrow biopsy was the day he was supposed to finally get to have a therapy appointment. Never received that Therapy, and no effort to try to help get one after a cancer diagnosis. I can't think of how to better illustrate the importance of mental health.... Didn't seem to be anyone in the hospital that offered any counseling either, but I did ask multiple departments (front desk, activities coordinator, nurses, drs, etc). He was trapped in a hospital with cancer, getting chemo... how is there not an on-site counselor?! My general doctor had suggested that I ask about counseling for the family/cancer when I got to the hospital. he assured me there were services available...

Welcome to North Carolina!

Times are tough here. I'm in North Carolina visiting my dad while he is dying of cancer. well... trying to.  His wife, Let's call her Terrible will not allow me to stay at Dad's during this time, so I'm at a friends guest house about 15 minutes away. I have to get authorization and then commute over to visit. The times I'm allowed access seem to be changing, which is not making anything easier.  She said she wanted 5-7 days alone with him before I would be allowed to be around him at all. Lucky for her a terrible storm rolled thru (Helene) and granted this wish. She wanted to have him show her how to run the house, I offered to help around the house so she could have more time to learn and do that but that was not how Terrible wanted it. I still think this time would have been better used for memories and things of importance. There are utube videos for how to run a generator (or spell it). If this house is too big and too hard to work, maybe a move or downsize is i...

The House on the Hill

I live in a house of hate  Full of regret in this mate The choices I made  allowing my daughter to fade Everything is a choice; failure to take action is a choice. Allowing hate to persist without correction is a choice. "I know when my time comes my biggest regret will be that I didn't have more time with my most incredible daughter". - Dad card 2023.

Dad Visit! Whaa HOoo!!!

I am so excited to have the opportunity to visit dad and be welcomed where he is at! I haven't gotten much time with dad since before 2007, I am so lucky and so fortunate to have this time. A week... can I get more? He is in a safe space; I can find a safe space near him. I miss him so much, and I hate the hate that has kept him away.  I'll be able to see him, talk to him freely and he will be safe from all forms of abuse. I wish the conditions were better, but I am so looking forward to this visit with him so much.  I know everyone's Dad is their Hero, but my dad really is a hero. 

Choose your partner wisely

Image
If it's not going well, talk about it.  If it's not changing, leave. There's no reason to live in Misery -That's a movie; not a place to stay...    You do NOT have to have your feelings validated by a therapist for them to be important enough to make life changing decisions! Trust your gut! DO NOT ACCEPT MISTREATMENT IN A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T ASSERT YOUR BOUNDARIES. DO NOT COMPROMISE SELF-RESPECT.

Entitlement is a curse

Image
Failure is the only path to success...  For FUCK'S SAKE, JUST SAY "THANK YOU" to people!

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you've been, accepts what you've become, and still allows you to grow

Image
 

Careful what you spend your time on; it will define you!

Image
  Who do you want to be?  How do you want to be remembered?  You are the only one that gets to choose your reaction. 

FUCK HOSTGATOR

Image
I canceled my service years ago, just saw they charged me for something that was re-occurring yesterday. They will not fully refund and it's nearly impossible to cancel. Very dissatisfied with this service. It was challenging just finding the chatbot to get this done. There's not even a way to cancel on their portal.  what a world...  I'm melting. Bowie's impression of Hostgator's customer service for reference:

Same Stress, Different Job

change jobs... still stressful. I'm starting to think it might be me and not the jobs at all. Not sure how to fix that...
Image
 Things are stressful and busy, but they are good.  So thankful for Drew <3

Job Choices!

Image
 I suppose you could say I got a little overwhelmed at my job the other day, it's hard to manage your time when so much of time management relies on how much a client feels like doing. I was auditing back to back and had projects for the not so spare time. I panicked! At the height of this frustration, I found myself trolling around on Linkedin. Here, I found what looked like a perfect job. Enter Stryker! A Sr Supplier Quality Engineer position with a leader in the field. One of the early interviews was a Gallup interview that instantly felt like a failure and left my confidence in ruin. Turns out, it wasn't that bad and they wanted to go ahead with the team interviews. These went much better and it sounded like they had decided they wanted to hire me based on my resume and qualifications alone. How thrilling! What a compliment! I was even able to get to the offer table without naming a price. The price they came to me with was below what I was currently at so they decided to r...

Making Dog Treats!

Image
I participated in my first-ever vendor market earlier this year. It was a lot of work leading up to it. I bought over 30 pounds of sweet potatoes to make dog treats. Had some leftover. I found that the best treats were actually the cookies. The best part of the cookies was giving them to people at the bar that had brought their dogs. We went to Meteor after the event was over. Overall, I think it was a break-even endeavor if you don't count labor as a cost. which doesn't say a lot for sustainability as a business... but I did have to buy a lot to go into this, mostly table, paper cutter, bags, etc. the sweet potatoes from Aldi were the cheapest.   
Image
Are you going to listen to messages? What do they say? Where's the creativity come from? What do you want to do?  

Park Shot

Image
 

Halloween 2019

Image
Parties used to be a thing... People gathering in general... Starting to really miss things like this but so thankful that I had the oppertunity to see everyone that was able to come out for this! What a blast! Nothing to motivate a house cleaning project like having friends over (and needing the space to decorate!). 

Remember Concerts?!

Image
GWAR! This was Fun Fun Fun fest in 2010. I was so excited to see GWAR walking around I got a picture with them!  I missed out on getting a shirt, they (and their merch) only stayed the day they played and I didn't even go to a merch tent that day. This picture was better than any shirt, though, and takes up less space!  

International Talk Like a Pirate Day!!!

Image
 

Pinata Making!

Image
Had so much fun in the paper mache! Probably have't made a pinata since grade school! He's full of Rum, Candy, Lais, and pirate booty. This was part of the party preparation for Talk Like a Pirate double feature in the backyard tomorrow! The final product! pretty pleased with how this came out. Alfi is terrified of him, maybe it's too realistic? Forming the body and the first coats of paint! First face iterations. Had to change to something a little less happy cartoon. All of these face components got nixed.  Face overhaul. updated eyebrows, eyes, and mouth.   
Image
Room 1 is DONE!  

Park Walk!

Image
Beautiful night for a walk in the park! 75 degrees and overcast.