The last goodbye

"aren't you going to say goodbye to your dad?" I had my hands full of stuff loading up the truck and car. Why would she offer to help when she can make hurtful passive aggressive statements?  Reminded me of the "leaving so soon" comment she made in front of the reception desk at the hospital. She said this in front of her friends, good. Show them who you are. Of course, I want to spend any time with Dad I can, the only reason I haven't been there this entire time was because she wouldn't allow it. And he didn't want the drama to fight for it. I wanted nothing more than to be bored with Dad, just talk about life, experiences. Struggles, lessons. Nothing, everything. 

Cruel... Greedy... Evil... so many adjectives. 

She couldn't even look at me when I was getting ready to go after saying goodbye to Dad. I was surrounded by their friends with love and hugs, she had to run off. Can't even be in the same room. Her friends see this and how terrible she's been.

He was still responsive on the 10th. Hadn't eaten in 10 days and was so emaciated. He was able to give me great hugs and even smile a bit. Told him to come hang out anytime he wants after he gets out of the physical realm... I have all the fun pinballs and a cool car. I always enjoyed being around Dad, he was never mean. I'm sure he will; He'll be in my heart forever. Maybe he can help me get a reasonable score on twilight zone. Hard to hear about how he wanted to travel, and she kept him from that. Even friends could tell she was keeping him from doing the things he wanted to do, but he was so afraid of her. I was so proud of him when he put his foot down and went to Costa Rica with us. That was the best vacation, no drama. She didn't want to travel or demand the dogs go (and that's just not a vacation). How sad and disappointing to hear. And that he was so close to possibly getting out and back to freedom before the cancer, there was mention of possible divorce or therapy during Christmas 2023. You know... the Christmas where I used an Instapot without prior authorization and was banished from the house forever.  

Dad is no longer responsive, resting with eyes closed, but is still here. Today with the help of a very kind hospice nurse, Beth, I was able to talk at him. She said he opened his eyes when he heard my voice and I've been crying ever since.  She held his hand and was there with him for me. When she said "she's back" I knew what she meant and had to quickly hang up. I didn't know how much time I had so I might have read thru all my notes more quickly than I'd have liked to. Supposed to talk slow and be soothing. I tried. How much I love him, memories, how great he is, how loved he is by friends and family, how thankful we are for all that he was able to do and get thru when he was getting sicker and that it's ok to rest.  I said "I love you Dad, Bye". Knowing that same panic of "oh shit, here she comes". 

A few days before Beth had suggested that Terrible hold the phone and let me talk to him. I reminded Beth that Terrible isn't able to be in the same room with me and wasn't even playing the messages I was sending (I'd started sending video and audio when he stopped using his phone). Something to brighten his day and she kept it from him. The story of his life. 

For the amount of time Terrible was "online" on Dad's phone she certainly had time to play any messages... But I don't think she was looking in his phone for him. He was so adamant about deleting everything that didn't sing her praises, but she's not going to get that feedback of how horrific she's been unless someone tells her. She is certainly not going to figure it out, she's too much of a narcissist. 

This version of Misery will end soon, and I hope and pray that she never abuses anyone else this way ever again.