I am upset with all that is going on, I think it speaks to how much I love him. Hard to overlook all the hate from one source that is keeping us apart at this time. He's got a point; it is so miserable being unwanted there and that's not going to change, unfortunately.
You really want the best for the people you love. You assume things will work out and that they are making the best decisions for themselves. Maybe it's my fault for not saying something sooner. I knew at the time jumping into something that fast after a mentally ill wife for 28 years might not be optimal. No therapy, No time to reconnect to inner self and redefine values or boundaries. Starting from a compromise is always more challenging. I don't know of any others that he dated. He mentioned a couple dates... but never serious enough to meet? no second date? Dating is hard, rejection sensitives pop up and they can be ugly. those inner dialogues that seek and destroy. Maybe that would have been a good interaction to see before getting hitched up. Can they stand your kids? This may take more than one meeting... shit, this might take years.
I am also drawn to crazy (they aren't boring). To avoid this, I used online dating. you actually get to align on interests and common views before even starting. Find someone that might have the qualifications to be a partner and then you can meet and see if the spark is there too. If it's not, try again. None of this is changeable at this point, but lesson learned. See something, say something. I just wanted him to be happy. Like all fresh relationships with lusty infatuation and over idealized interpretations of who they really are. Always great at the start... Can only keep it up for so long... The best advice is to wait. Wait for that intoxicating haze to dissipate and really get to know your partner. I tried so much to support their union and her interests. Every time I failed miserably to live up to her unrealistic expectations and undefined terms. I guess add some years and somehow, we have this hate wall that will never come down. I don't hate her, and I won't hate her.... but her actions are another story.
As far as I can tell her hate is for me directly.
What you see in other is a reflection of how you see yourself - Cat Stevens
It was really weird he wasn't able to leave or do stuff or that we never really got to visit. Had to put his foot down to go to Costa Rica, and that barely happened. So thankful that it did. I felt like "the other woman"... the entire time they were together. but it's my Dad... I never wanted to steal him away, but I did want some attention from him and that is where things went out of control for her. Would be so nice to be able to call Dad at any time and just talk, not have to worry if she's listening or the panic inducing fear when she's coming back, and the call must be ended.
I want Drew to have better relationships with the kids, not less. They are the best kids. I never figured it out. At this point, I am not surprised at all. I'm pretty impressed I was able to make it this far in life. Or even out of bed today for that matter.
I often feel like I need external validation, and it does slow me down. Overthinking, indecision, the pain of making the wrong decision. "No action is an action", Dad'll tell ya! Maybe that external validation is something that was offered in the beginning. The attention of a woman can be very alluring, especially if it has been a while. Mom left him so lonely.
If you aren't able to sit with self, you'll be sitting with someone else.
Talked to Dad again today. It's always so good to hear from him. Sounds like they were able to get a blood sample. Proof that he is actually getting worse despite that not being part of her plan...
Such a weird time to be grieving for losing him while talking to him at the same time. what to say what not to say? I don't want to upset him, It hurts losing him. I know we've had great time together, but there's still time and I feel like it's being stolen. This part feels unforgivable. It's so hard and the situation doesn't make it easier. Is she home? Can we talk on the phone? Am I texting her?
A lot of those associated characteristics for lack of emotional support as a child Dad seems to have too. Trauma response to mom? Maybe. Could she have depleted us? Or are we officially in generational trauma now (needed more support from his parents)?
Hard now or hard later. Just take care of it, make it easy for future self. This is such good advice, but very hard to swallow. Most bad things are misunderstandings. Communication is key. I've struggled in this department my whole life. Boundaries? Ugh.
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