Welcome to North Carolina!

Times are tough here. I'm in North Carolina visiting my dad while he is dying of cancer. well... trying to.  His wife, Let's call her Terrible will not allow me to stay at Dad's during this time, so I'm at a friends guest house about 15 minutes away. I have to get authorization and then commute over to visit. The times I'm allowed access seem to be changing, which is not making anything easier. 

She said she wanted 5-7 days alone with him before I would be allowed to be around him at all. Lucky for her a terrible storm rolled thru (Helene) and granted this wish. She wanted to have him show her how to run the house, I offered to help around the house so she could have more time to learn and do that but that was not how Terrible wanted it. I still think this time would have been better used for memories and things of importance. There are utube videos for how to run a generator (or spell it). If this house is too big and too hard to work, maybe a move or downsize is in order. We could have helped with that too... but we are rude for having to get groceries so we could feed ourselves...

We had to go get groceries yesterday because there's nothing in the friend's guest house. There's been a national disaster here and the local stores look like Covid 2020 all over again. No produce, limited supplies. There's been no plan. It was an hour to and from the grocery store each way, plus having to work in the morning... we weren't able to even head over to visit until 6pm. We texted "headed that way" and immediately Terrible told us that the gate was closed and that Dad was in agreement that he was going to bed and didn't want to see us that night. He's usually up til 8 or 9, We'd assumed we'd have at least an hour or 2 to visit. We were in the car for 20 hours the day before, we did not want to drive around looking for this stuff, I assure you. We even offered to pick up stuff for Terrible (which of couse, she declined).

After denying us visitation yesterday, she went on to tell us that it was so rude of us to go shopping when we were supposed to visit dad and pack up a pinball game for her nephew. There was not a plan or any designated time. We were available and could have done that at 6pm yesterday. My guess is that the wine started early. I'm not sure a drunk control freak is the best person to have making your hospice decisions... I do worry... she doesn't seem qualified to take care of him... I also worry that the need to have help packing up this game is the only thing that gets me access to that house and as soon as that game is packed up I'm going to loose all visitation rights. 

She hasn't offered and ounce of hospitality (not even a glass of water). We were told to bring any and all food and drinks. We are not allowed in the kitchen and a makeshift chair/dog leash barrier has been installed to keep us out. I can't imagine a more welcoming environment. And somehow, I'm the bad guy here. We were in the car for 20 hours trying to get here, we get here and there's no food and we are rude for not going to pack up Ethan's pinball instead of trying to feed ourselves. 

I keep thinking she's going to turn human any minute but she just keeps going the other way. How could she possibly get worse? How does she have any friends left? She's absolutely wicked. 

Another thing to mention... Terrible's dog bit Drew as soon as he got out of the car on our first visit day. Terrible asked if it drew blood, but the way she asked it implied a hint of bullying for being a wuss. She didn't reprimand the dog or even acknowledge that it misbehaved. "that's just what dogs do". I don't think that is right, Terrible. That is not what good dogs do. 

We should be looking at videos and pictures and enjoying the good memories, but it's Terrible's way or no way... She says she doesn't like Trump, but she acts just like him. A bully that uses controlling manipulations to get what they want. How are we not back in diapers? 

This is how dad will be remembered, feeling sorry for him for not being able to get to that therapist that was going to validate his opinion it was time to leave. But now it's too late and as the time dwindles it's all about Terrible and how to make all this easier for her. while she makes it harder for us. 

He loved that little fountain I got him in the hospital, Lights and water sounds. He even planned to put it on the porch when he was going to come home to recover. It was the only thing brought to him in the hospital that lightened up or brought any joy into that room. She hates it for that, not even sure all the parts made it. 

That time he begged Terrible to come visit in the hospital, he wanted a bath and she demanded that we not be present as the only way she'd appease him to come. Well, we left and she had the hospital room to herself. Dad did not get a bath that day. 

I hadn't seen Terrible touch Dad in many years. At least with the cancer she's put her arm around him (At least twice!). He had to "put his foot down" to go on vacation in Costa Rica with us earlier this year, I'm still not sure how he got out of house arrest long enough to go on that vacation or how awful Terrible was to come home to. Always invited, never joins. 

Feels like I keep getting kicked to the curb, I don't understand why my own father won't stand up for my right to exist. How does this make a daughter feel valued?

You will be remembered as you are... Terrible. Relish in your life of misery that you can no longer punish my dad with. Maybe the therapist was too late, but Karma will release him from your imprisonment soon enough. Then all that will be left are the truly terrible memories of the existence you created.