Attention = Hate

Anything Dad pays attention to that is not Terrible, Terrible hates with a passion. (Daughter, Tesla, Pinball) 

Trying to get out to visit today. Neighbors have suggested asking for what time works for her and asking to speak with her to try to resolve any of this. OK, I'll try. What do I have to lose? I asked, now sounds like we don't get any time at all today. We are just sitting in some stranger's guest house waiting for authorization from the warden to visit her prisoner. 

She's managing dad's visitation schedule, said she had some friends that were tentative and that we might be able to have the time that they don't want; Sounds like we get 0 visitation today. She says the friends want their visits to be exclusive, and that they haven't seen much of him. I haven't seen much of him at all for 17 years, since she moved him up here to NC. I came a lot further than the friends visiting too. I would also venture to guess that dad would like to have all of us there. I've met a lot of the friends and they are very sweet loving people that I can't imagine feel that they need to keep my father from me. There's only one terrible person trying to keep me from my dad.  I want to see their friends, I want to share in their stories of how wonderful my dad is. Their favorite memories, how they met, what great things they have to say about him.

I think this is more because she can't control herself and she gets so angry when I'm there. It's just the presence of me. The idea that something else besides her could have the attention of Dad. Day before yesterday she was slamming doors and running off during a visit with Larry and Tracy (friends kind enough to let us stay here because they know the situation). They'd never seen anything like this. 

Day before yesterday we arrived at the hate house and like the sweet little hostess she is, she released the mean dogs to greet us. Tapper came charging straight at Drew so badly he almost had to smack her with his water bottle to get her to back off. Dog did get leashed and put in bedroom after this, Terrible went into hiding after slamming a bunch of doors.

Every time we visit there's more terrible Terrible. I don't know why she hates herself or me so much. Or why she has to take this out on my poor sick dying father. There are so many eggshells inside that house it's hard to breathe in there. 

UPDATE: we were authorized for a 4pm visit. Dad is trying to get the friend we are staying with to show up so that there's a buffer.