My Mycelium Journey

I hate to leave Dad, but I concede and will leave as he has asked so that things can get back to normal for Terrible. She feels the need to storm off and rage back when she comes and goes. It's just not possible to exist in the same space, she hates me that much she has to leave the house. Dad said he wished that he could see me every day until he goes but that would make life so unpleasant for him because of Terrible. That hurts, but for how unwelcome I am here I'm starting to really look forward to going home where my existence isn't a problem... Now Dad's putting it in my head that I'm overstaying my welcome at their friend's house (Dad's words, not the friends - Again, trying to get me to leave so Terrible will be tolerable again). The neighbor helped us come up with an agreement that Terrible felt pressured into signing.  Visits will be scheduled and agreed with a few hours' notice.  Visits are limited to 3 hours maximum. Use front door to room with...

Anything Dad pays attention to that is not Terrible, Terrible hates with a passion. (Daughter, Tesla, Pinball)  Trying to get out to visit today. Neighbors have suggested asking for what time works for her and asking to speak with her to try to resolve any of this. OK, I'll try. What do I have to lose? I asked, now sounds like we don't get any time at all today. We are just sitting in some stranger's guest house waiting for authorization from the warden to visit her prisoner.  She's managing dad's visitation schedule, said she had some friends that were tentative and that we might be able to have the time that they don't want; Sounds like we get 0 visitation today. She says the friends want their visits to be exclusive, and that they haven't seen much of him. I haven't seen much of him at all for 17 years, since she moved him up here to NC. I came a lot further than the friends visiting too. I would also venture to guess that dad would like to have all o...

No Matter how much you need help, no one can help you and you must do it yourself. Bonds are strengthened through adversity and struggling together. Not all people are satisfied by the same things (wouldn't it be a piss-poor world if they were?) Love does not come easy, during the teenage years it is natural to find solace in hate. Love is undefinable, I referred to this as "Boundless" when I described dad in one-word. Energy exists. -Collab with Grandpa (letter to dad in 1974-ish?) That letter also says to sacrifice and do things for others because their thoughts should be included. How do you advocate for yourself in this instance? Struggle. Flight attendants will attest, you should put your mask on first. You can be guided by others even if it isn't the right path. It will be obvious if it is wrong soon after. If the advice is not from a source of love, do not take it. We change every day.  The fondest memories of people are of people that are not even those people...

The Commonwealth Fund regularly ranks healthcare around the world. The United States has come in last 2006, 2007, 2010, 2014, 2017 and 2021.  Home | Commonwealth Fund Dad Evidence: Dad was admitted to hospital 9/6/2024. This flew. He was diagnosed and then into Chemo a week later. The day he went in for his bone marrow biopsy was the day he was supposed to finally get to have a therapy appointment. Never received that Therapy, and no effort to try to help get one after a cancer diagnosis. I can't think of how to better illustrate the importance of mental health.... Didn't seem to be anyone in the hospital that offered any counseling either, but I did ask multiple departments (front desk, activities coordinator, nurses, drs, etc). He was trapped in a hospital with cancer, getting chemo... how is there not an on-site counselor?! My general doctor had suggested that I ask about counseling for the family/cancer when I got to the hospital. he assured me there were services available...

Times are tough here. I'm in North Carolina visiting my dad while he is dying of cancer. well... trying to.  His wife, Let's call her Terrible will not allow me to stay at Dad's during this time, so I'm at a friends guest house about 15 minutes away. I have to get authorization and then commute over to visit. The times I'm allowed access seem to be changing, which is not making anything easier.  She said she wanted 5-7 days alone with him before I would be allowed to be around him at all. Lucky for her a terrible storm rolled thru (Helene) and granted this wish. She wanted to have him show her how to run the house, I offered to help around the house so she could have more time to learn and do that but that was not how Terrible wanted it. I still think this time would have been better used for memories and things of importance. There are utube videos for how to run a generator (or spell it). If this house is too big and too hard to work, maybe a move or downsize is i...

I live in a house of hate  Full of regret in this mate The choices I made  allowing my daughter to fade Everything is a choice; failure to take action is a choice. Allowing hate to persist without correction is a choice. "I know when my time comes my biggest regret will be that I didn't have more time with my most incredible daughter". - Dad card 2023.